4.10 Friend or Foe

Juniper sat in a chair facing a window. The early evening light played across her somber face. Her thoughts drifted as it so often did to the children she never got to hold and love for any length of time. Her heart ached for them. Dove, her little girl would have been six years old on her last birthday. She tried to conjure up an image of the little girl. She’d have red-gold hair like her own. Was she happy? Was Blake being good to her?

A tear trickled down her cheek. All her attempts to find Blake had failed. She had even gone to his house. His brother had pushed her off the front porch in a drunken stupor muttering something about how she had ruined their lives. She was inclined to agree with him. Everything and everyone she ever come in contact with had been hurt by being around her. Maybe her little girl was better off without her.

Sighing she moved restlessly in her seat. There was no point in playing the what if game. Dove was gone. She picked up the few pictures she had of her infant baby girl. The only tangible evidence that she once had been a mother to a beautiful little girl. “Mama loves you” she whispered kissing the picture. She moved to put the precious fragile pictures back in the safe place. In doing so she came across one of her favorite pictures of Cash holding their son.

Robin would have had the same hair as his daddy. His second birthday was coming up soon. The terrible two’s. Was he toddling around on his own? Getting into all kinds of trouble no doubt. She was sure he’d be a little mischievous boy with a grin that would melt the coldest of hearts.

What happened that fateful day? Why had Cash left the way he did? Did he leave of his own free will? The theory the police were fond of was Cash left when he found out about the judge’s verdict. They believed he kidnapped his own son because he was afraid she might hurt his son. She could see it in the officer’s eyes that they believed the judge who declared her an unfit mother.

After two years she doubted they were even trying to find them. If Cash were still alive and he had left because of that, than he wasn’t the person she thought he was. She believed than that he had loved her. Thought they could work through anything if they were together. Had she been wrong about him?

Possibly. She closed her eyes breathing deeply. There wasn’t any point thinking about it. They were gone. Two years without a trace. He never contacted his parents in all that time. That fact confirmed that he hadn’t left willingly. She looked up as her front door swung open. “What are you doing here?” she demanded not pleased to see who stepped inside.

***

“I came to check on you” Cinnamon said closing the door behind her “you haven’t been answering your phone.”

Closing the lid to her memories Juniper turned to face her friend. At one time she would have said best friend now she wasn’t sure if friend applied. “As you can see I’m fine” she moved away from the woman hoping she’d get the hint and leave.

“Bad day” she inquired as if she didn’t realize the animosity between them.

Shrugging Juniper let her words the silence hang in the air around them.

“You’re still not mad at me are you?” she asked sounding put upon “you know it wasn’t my fault.”

“Ever since you decided to play spy thing have gone wrong.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice and by the way Cinnamon was looking at her she must have sounded accusatory too.

“I’m at the lowest echelons of their ranks” Cinnamon scoffed “it’s not like they’ll trust me with anything sensitive yet.”

“Your grandmother…”

“My grandmother is one of them” she shrugged “that’s the only reason why I’m allowed on the project at all.”

“You work with my Aunt” Juniper accused as if that alone made her guilty.

“It’s not like I have had a choice” Cinnamon cried sounding hurt. “Give me a break. I’m the one taking all the risks.”

“That’s your choice” Juniper retorted “I told you not to do it.”

“If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have heard about the new experiment.” Cinnamon knew she had Juni’s attention crossing her arms waiting for the question she knew was coming.

“What experiment?” Juniper asked feeling as if she were falling into a trap.

“Um” Cinnamon fell silent as if considering what she should tell her.

“What experiment?” Juni repeated her anger rising.

“It’s nothing really” Cinnamon shrugged “they’ve had some success in restoring cadaver. Nothing compared to the full restoration that occurred with your great-grandmother Sydney.”

“Oh is that all” Juniper asked sarcastically “that’s obscene. They should leave the dead in peace.”

Shrugging Cinnamon said “the experiment were done on bodies donated to science. It’s not like they robbed someone’s grave.”

“That’s not the point” Juniper shouted her anger rising “this project has caused enough harm.”

“We’re not on that again are we?” Cinnamon let out an aggrieved sigh.

Throwing her hands in the air Juniper brushed past Cinnamon to leave through the front door. Coming to a stop on the front porch she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. She felt cold, shivery like she had just awakened from a nightmare. How could Cinnamon be so cavalier to what the scientists were doing? It was the worst thing that someone could to someone else. Cruel. How would they like to have died and be brought back for a few hours or days?

It only confirmed in her mind that the scientists had gotten their hands on her DNA. Maybe even had one or both of her children. It’s the only way she could think of why they were suddenly making headway on again on the project again. It made her sick.

***

Cinnamon followed her outside. “How many times do I have to tell you? The scientists did not take Cash and the baby.”

Ignoring her statements Juniper demanded “why are you here?”

“I told you” Cinnamon spoke with forced patience “I came to check on you like I said.”

“Go away” Juniper demanded opening the door “I don’t want you here.”

“I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re alright” she insisted sticking her foot in the door so Juniper couldn’t lock her out.

“As you can see I’m fine” Juniper glared defiantly at Cinnamon “leave.” She pointed towards the driveway where Cinnamon’s car was parked.

“Don’t be so melodramatic” she pouted “I only want what’s best for you. You’ve been depressed ever since Cash left.”

Juniper bit her lip to keep from saying what came to mind. She knew in her heart Cash hadn’t left of his own free will. Yes they argued a lot. Who didn’t? It wasn’t enough for him to run away without taking anything with him. She might have believed it if he had taken the diaper bag full of things Robin would need including a few of his favorite things. Nothing was missing. He had taken nothing when he left. “You’re right” she gave her friend a tight-lipped smile “I’m sorry. You must think I’m an ingrate. I know how much you do me.”

“I know ho much his leaving hurt you” Cinnamon commiserated with her “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

Juniper nodded not really listening. She cringed as Cinnamon’s arms wrapped around her in what she assumed was meant to be a reassuring hug. “Thank you” she murmured pulling away as soon as she felt the woman’s arms fall away from her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“What you need is a night out” Cinnamon enthused following her inside.

Shaking her head she refused the well intentioned words. At least that’s the way she was sure Cinnamon meant them. “I’m not ready yet…”

“It’s been two years” Cinnamon insisted as if time alone could wipe out the memories of the past “you’re a beautiful young woman. You should act like it.”

“I have an expiration date” Juniper frowned wondering if her children had the degenerative gene like her.

“Now what’s wrong?” Cinnamon demanded sounding annoyed.

“Nothing” Juniper answered quickly shaking her head “just tired I guess.” She could tell Cinnamon wanted to delve further into this but by some miracle she let the subject drop. Instead she turned walked into the kitchen to rummage through her cupboards. “What are you doing?” Juniper asked following her.

“You need to eat” Cinnamon said her voice muffled from having her head inside the cupboard. She pulled out a box of Mac & Cheese. “I’m going to make you dinner.”

“Last time I checked you couldn’t boil water” Juniper joked watcher her.

Turning Cinnamon put on an offended expression. “I’ll have you know I’ve improved since then.” Looking at the box “at least enough to be able to make Mac & Cheese. It’s not gourmet but you won’t starve.”

***

An hour later Cinnamon was sitting in her car outside Juniper’s house. She reached for her phone before the annoying chime sounded again. “I told you not to call me” she snapped as she answered it.

She held the phone away from her ear. A look of annoyance crossing her features. “Yes she took it.”

She rolled her eyes heavenward as if she were praying for patience. “Yes I’m sure. I put it in her food.”

She disconnected the call. Tossed the phone into her bag. That woman could make the most sane person in the world want to strangle her. The thought brought a brief smile to her solemn face. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror before directing her attention to the view behind her car. No matter how many times she checked her image the guilt in her eyes never disappeared. It was always there. Reminding her of who and what she was. The deeper she got the more the guilt haunted her.

Her foot stomped on the gas pedal causing the car to shoot out onto the road. A cars horn blared behind her as the driver swerved to avoid hitting her. Heart racing she took several deep breaths to control her breathing and calm her beating heart. She had no choice. Once she had approached her grandmother there had been no going back. To quit now was to admit defeat. Weakness meant death. She had no doubt her elderly intimidating grandmother would sign her death warrant if she thought Cinnamon would turn into a detriment to the project. She should have listened to Juniper when she had pleaded with her not to get involved.

She turned her radio up hoping to blot out the noise inside her head. As she focused on the pulsating beats that made her insides vibrate with the beat. No matter what she told herself she couldn’t justify what she was doing. She wanted to believe Juniper would thank her later if the experiment paid off. She started to belt out the lyrics of the song on the radio trying to ignore the nagging feeling that she was betraying her oldest and dearest friends.

***

Juniper raced to the bathroom as soon as she was sure Cinnamon was gone. The mac and cheese had a definite medicinal taste. Of course it could be the result of Cinnamon’s lack of culinary skills but she doubted it. There was no reason to risk it. She leaned over the toilet forcing herself to throw up her dinner.

Standing she rinsed her mouth hoping she had been quick enough. Whatever weird concoction Cinnamon had tried to slip into her food. She could only hope it wasn’t designed to be fast absorbing; otherwise it would already be in her bloodstream. She rubbed her arms suddenly cold thinking about her one time friend.

Why was Cinnamon doing this? The simple answer was she sold her soul to the regime of the scientists. She was too far in to quit without paying the ultimate price. Why hadn’t she listened to her when she begged her not to get involved?

Her mind raced as she dumped the left over mac and cheese into the garbage. She had no intentions of becoming a lab rat. Whether intentional or not. Why risk the hazards? There was no way she’d believe the scientists were trustworthy enough to trust anything they might want her take. She knew they only cared about their experiment and her welfare was so beneath their radar to not even register. They wanted one thing. To know why she existed when their experiments died within a few short hours or days after being revived. What made her different? She knew they wouldn’t stop until she was dead.

As she got ready for bed she couldn’t clear her mind. She lay on her back staring at the ceiling as the hours ticked by. She should have tried harder to get her science degree she realized. She needed a better understanding of her situation. Every time she thought about walking into the school lab she’d break out into a cold sweat. Her heart racing until she thought she’d pass out. All she could think about were all those hours spent with her Aunt and the terrible things she’d say to her.

She couldn’t do it. Cash had encouraged her decision to drop all her science classes. Helping her redirect her energies in her love of painting and attaining a fine arts degree. She loved to paint. She could work at her own pace, alone in her studio. She had several pieces she had been commissioned for. She had plenty of work to keep her occupied and focused.

***

Her alarm jarred her awake. Her hand slapped at the snooze button but succeeding only at knocking the annoying thing to the floor where the batteries popped out upon impact. The sleepless, restless night before had her snuggling back into her blankets drifting off to sleep again.

If it weren’t for her phone’s alarm she would have over slept. Not that she had any place to be at a specific time. She preferred getting up early. Getting stuff done before she started painting. Crawling from her cozy nest of blankets she tucked her hair behind her ear as she took the time to make her bed before getting dressed for the day.

Once she had finished her daily chores and grabbed some toast for breakfast she was ready to paint. Glancing out the window she could see the bright sunlight dancing across the lawn highlighting yellow dandelions. The bright yellow heads never failed to bring a smile to her face.

Nodding she made the decision to go to the park. She could paint there if inspiration hit her as it usually did when she broke from her routine. Gathering her supplies she picked up her traveling easel and walked outside to the car. Once her things were loaded in the car she went inside to pack a small lunch to stave off starvation until she got home later that evening.

She strolled through the park smiling at the early morning joggers as they passed her. The play area was serene as if it were resting before a horde of rambunctious children descended upon it. There were a few elderly folks scattered throughout the park sitting on benches feeding the birds.

She strolled leisurely through the park keeping an eye out for the perfect spot to set up her easel. She didn’t know where that spot might be but she’d recognize it when she saw it. It was different each time she came here. She stopped to stand silently in the path. Eyes closed she took several deep breaths. The air smelled of early morning dew, cut grass and lilacs. She loved that smell best of all.

Someone bumped into her knocking her easel to the ground. “I’m sorry” a deep apologetic voice said above her.

“It’s alright” she stammered her cheeks burning when she opened her eyes to find a pair of dark eye staring back at her. “I shouldn’t have stopped on the path” she bent down to retrieve her easel attempting to cover up her embarrassment.

Their hands touched as he reached to help her. “Let me help you” he offered taking the easel from her.

Her hand tingled where it had made contact with the young man’s warm smooth skin. Her eyes too in the firm muscular arm that held her easel. Her cheeks burned as she dragged her eyes up to meet his. The eyes that stared back at her warm, dark and kind “thank you” she stammered.

“Where to?” he asked giving her a huge grin “the least I can do after almost knocking you down.”

“I…” she hesitated. She had no idea where she wanted to set up yet. She turned to her companion “I don’t know yet. If you’d give me my easel you can go on about your day.”

“No can do” he laughed at the look she gave him “it wouldn’t be chivalrous for me to let you carry this on your own.”

“I was doing ok before you knocked into me” she grumbled letting her annoyance show.

“I…” he sighed “I was only trying to help. Sorry.” He handed her the easel taking several steps back “hope you find the perfect spot. Have a nice day.”

He took off resuming his job before she could recover her senses. She stood immobile on the path watching his backside regretting her moment of rudeness. Shaking her head she turned away. It was for the best. She didn’t need any entanglements in her life. Despite what Cinnamon kept telling her, she was done with love and fairy tales.